Root beer in the Wild

Many years ago, before the root beer was domesticated, root beer roamed free across prairies. The Choctaw Indians relied heavily on the root beer for sustenance. They were known to use the entire root beer, not just the liquid inside. Bottles were used for tanning buffalo hides, and bottle caps were actually used as a form of currency. In order to marry, a young Choctaw would need to kill at least 20 root beer.

The early pioneers and settlers of the west were mystified at the sheer amount of root beer roaming the prairie lands. They soon began domesticating the root beer for shipment to the East, where it became commonplace in farmers’ markets and general stores. Eventually, word of the western root beer spread across the globe, and wise businessmen began exporting golden American root beer in large quantities from Boston and San Francisco.

Eventually, with the completion of the continental railroad, the wild root beer became a thing of the past. Today, wild root beer is extremely rare. Still, there are occasional sightings across the country. In 1982, Thelma Johannson, a schoolteacher from Idaho Springs, Colorado, spotted an extremely rare wild white snow root beer behind her tool shed.

This is a rare, full-grown wild white snow root beer. It's a four-pointer and has a fully-developed snow mullet, which it will raise in self defense or when it's particularly excited.

Ms. Johannson followed the white snow root beer into her front yard, where it came across a stray dog. The white snow raised its snow mullet, a gesture of agression, and the dog backed off and eventually ran.

Effects of high-fructose syrup

Man, we always knew that high fructose syrup was no bueno, but we never knew just how bad until we came across these file photos. Yikes! Chalk up another victory for pure cane sugar. And now that I'm thinking of it, that mouth on the right looks like the one Wyatt's first girlfriend had (but don't tell him i said that, it'll be our little secret).